Nothing like answering the same littany of boring questions 20 times.

I’ve never been that into retreats.  I’ll go, but I never look forward to it because it never ends up being very relaxing.  Whether you’re a college student or a career-driven adult, the weekend is something sacred, a time when you should be watching sports and sleeping in.   Instead, you sacrifice a weekend to go to a retreat because it’s going to be “so fun.”  Mm-hmm.  All the fun begins as you stick a name tag on and invite all eyes to stare at your chest (yes, I’m of the female variety).  Then, you get sub-par food at predetermined times, including a senior citizen’s early bird special at 5pm, leaving you starving at 8.  Then, you share quarters with either the friends who managed to talk you into this exciting event, or even better, with strangers you feel the compulsion to chat with to get to know (because that’s what nice people do).  At the end of the weekend, you realize you spent $100 to sleep uncomfortably and eat too many carbs.

I didn’t know it got worse.  Evidently, meeting your husband at a college retreat means that you owe the retreat god big time because somehow, without knowing how, you find yourself looking at a retreat with said husband…and your 2 kids- both under the age 0f 4.  This should go without saying, but a retreat with children isn’t really a retreat at all.  I mean, grandparents take my kids for the weekend or give us an adjoining suite, and I’m all about it.  Truly.  I would actually openly embrace a retreat as what it’s meant to be- time away from what you normally do.  However, packing up 4 of us and loading our car with sleeping bags, duvet covers (what the what?) towels, pack n plays, and car seats is only the beginning.  We are paying to leave the comfort of our 3-bedroom flat and the ease of our own routine to share a room at a retreat- and calling it “a weekend away” in a charming Scottish brogue does not atone for the fact that we are sharing a room.  All 4 of us.  If you read anything I write, you know I do not sleep with my children.  Not even in the hospital- I feed them, I love them, I grin at their sweetness, then I send them right back to the nursery because night time is for sleeping….not for listening to every coo, cry out, and bad dream.  We have 4 white noise generators for a reason- we believe in rest to the point that we invest heavily in the white noise. Praise the Lord our sound machines are portable.  I might set up all 4 in the room just for good measure.  What do you think?

Anyway, pray for us and that the retreat god will be appeased…I cannot endure this again.