Recently I have been thinking about how I use my time. I am HORRIBLE about wasting time. Like just now, when I was supposed to be writing this blog post, I might have wasted an inordinate amount of time on Facebook and reading blogs. When I was working in an office it wasn’t the internet that kept me distracted, but it was conversations with my co-workers. If there was a conversation, I wanted to be in on it! (Can you tell I am an extrovert?) I am not a task oriented person if other people are around that I can interact with. Consequently, I ended up taking longer on a project than I needed to or causing myself undue stress trying to meet a deadline. Now, since I work from home, I end up working at undesirable hours because I might have squandered away the desirable hours wasting time. I know I am not the only person who struggles with this.

Obviously I need to be more purposeful with my time. I know this is a cliché, but it works and it is true. I need to:

Work hard: This is simple, but it is really difficult for me to do sometimes (especially when I am supposed to be doing

Git-R-Done

it). Work hard when you are supposed to be working hard so that you can stop when it is time to stop and not feel guilty about it. For myself, that means getting away by myself so that there is no one else to interact with and buckling down. That may not be possible for others, so you could use headphones to listen to music or white noise to drown out the distractions in the background so that you can concentrate on the task at hand. As my father in law likes to say (and incidentally Mater too): Git R done!

Play hard: Since you have finished you work, you can now play hard. Whether this means spending time with your significant other, your kids, or just watching TV, you can do it with a clean conscience. This is what this time has been allotted for, so enjoy it!

Sleep hard: You have to have enough rest to be able to accomplish the above tasks. Do whatever you have to do, but getting enough sleep is important.

Now if only I didn’t need the internet to do my work so that way Facebook wasn’t always calling out to me…..

Quiet Time at Work?

Maybe there really was something to the quiet game.

I’ve heard of quiet times for children and of quiet times for spiritual meditation, but I’d never heard of quiet time for work.  According to a recent BNET article, IBM , Intel , U.S. Cellular and Deloitte &  Touche have taken charge of their employees’ time like this:

Spring is coming!

Daffodils almost make the winter worth it. Almost.

March 1st.  Hallelujah!- the worst 2 months of the year are over.  Seriously does anyone even like, much less love, January or February?  If you raised your cyberhand, I’d wager it’s because your birthday is in one of those awful months, and unless you are bringing world peace, then the event of your birth doesn’t count.  Anyway, back to March.   Even though the official advent of spring is not until the 22nd, the promise of hillside daffodils makes up for that 3-week wait.

For my family, it means we are T-2 weeks from our vacation to Paris!  We are trying to travel outside of the UK once a term while we are here.  Interestingly, a Brit recently told me how much cheaper it is to travel outside of the UK than within it.  So, we decided to take advantage of our location, which means toting along the kids.  Traveling with kids is a nightmare at worst and an experiment at best, but after 3 and a half years of doing it across the States and now across the pond, we feel like we have mastered it.    In fact, we know exactly how many bags to take, how many gifts to bring friends and family, how much space to leave for trinkets- and while we do have a scale, I can pick up the bag and tell you if it’s under 50 pounds.

Paris on Ryanair

We can afford these luxurious vacations because of Ryanair (think Southwest Airlines meets Greyhound).  Ryanair views itself as a bus in the sky, so they offer super-cheap tickets, knowing they’ll get you on all the extras (such as checking in on-sight, checking in baggage, infant seats, snacks, etc).  Thus, we have streamlined our packing strategy and, as a result, we (read that all 4 of us) are flying to Paris for under 20 pounds!  You see, my husband is amazing at jumping through the hoops and paying the bare minimum to get from point A (Scotland) to point B (Paris).  We flew to Germany for 20 pounds last fall and we wore a couple layers and purchased carry-ons from Flylite that are an exact fit for Ryanair requirements.  We figured that the minor expense of the bags is worth the number of trips we can not pay for checking in baggage (plus the bags are very lightweight and we got a free rucksack with our order that we were able to fold inside the bag and then use as a backpack for all our kids’ stuff once we were in Germany.).   We were also allowed one small, collapsible stroller/buggy, so we took a sturdy umbrella stroller that could recline a wee bit for our son to snooze. The trip was a huge success, so we booked Paris for March.

What we pack

Our trip is for 5 days.  We booked an apartment, so we will have a washer.  So, I figure a couple changes of clothes are fine.  These are carry-ons, so all toiletries must be small and under 4 ounces since they’ll got through security.  I pack a few snacks for the kids for the plane (both flights), as well as their sleepy things/lovies (pacis, blankies, etc.) .  Fortunately, we had the insight to not let them get attached to huge items, so their necessary items are quite compact.  Our little guy is still in a crib, but even a pack n play is not an option for the plane.  A friend recommended this Peapod for compact, lightweight traveling.  It is 3 pounds and fits in a carry-on with plenty of extra space for other essentials.  Finally, and I am totally serious, we pack portable white noise generators.  This is our vacation, so we are leaving our computers at home (yikes!!), so my usual free generator can’t come with us.  As it is, we invested in a few portable sound machines for our flat, so we’re taking 2 (one for our room and one for the kids’ room).  They’re small and they protect our sleep- I never leave home without them.  (After staying a night in Mexico City after a football victory and therefore not getting a single moment of quiet the entire night, I purposed to never be unprepared again.  I used to use ear plugs- however, my ears are pretty sensitive and I would wake up because they were sore.  So, while  very small, they still didn’t help that much.  Thus, I resorted to white noise generators and fell in love.)

We are thinking Spain (I studied there a bit in college) or Italy for the next trip.  Both paella and pasta sound marvelous to me.  As Michael Scott would say, it’s a win-win-win.

Reposted from Inc.com

Inc.com’s take on working from home

If you’ve read this blog for long, you must have figured out that I work from home.  I recently found a funny post that I can relate to in many ways.  This is her lead-in to 8 Work-from-Home Tips:

Inc. Magazine lives in New York City. I live in the Boston suburbs. So for three years I’ve been working out of my home office with nothing to look at but the Ozark-esque compound across the road and nothing to listen to but squirrels striking the back porch when they miss the bird feeders. It gets lonely at times. My house lacks both a water cooler and peers to engage in conversation around one. I miss the random hallway conversations that unexpectedly ignite ideas or forge alliances. When I know my colleagues are staying late to close an issue, I work late too, out of solidarity. The managing editor offers to order in dinner and sends out a link to the menu. I mentally place my order.

Nothing to Listen to….?

I was interested in her description of lack of water cooler gossip and nothing to listen to as complaints.  She goes on to supply 8 tips that further intrigued me.  Instead of feeling relieved from the office distractions, this work-from-homer felt alone and isolated- in a too quiet place.  It’s hard to remember my home being too quiet, but I think it was before July 12, 2006 (the birth of our daughter).  And when I sit down to think about it, there are times that are too quiet- so quiet I can hardly think.  I start to look around at the specks on my carpet and the dust on my mantle instead of the work on my computer.  I’ve tried music, but it ends up distracting me at an even higher level.  Sometimes I can work with the TV on, but if it’s LOST, let’s be honest, I’m all in.  Too bad I don’t make money for the number of hours I have my computer open, right?

Besides setting aside time that is dedicated to work (not dishes, cleaning, diapers, or blog-reading), I also have to further protect my focus.  For me, it’s white noise (give this free white noise generator a shot if you’ve never tried one).  I love the consistency and gentle hum it brings as I stay glued to the page I’m working on instead of fluttering all over the place.  I love efficient work, so for more ideas for better focus while working from home, check out these tips- from me to you.  You’re welcome. 

While beautifully quaint, this Scottish building boasts of all the creaks and groans of any antiquity.

Well, I thought I’d report back on the retreat/ “weekend away.”  I knew it would be all right when there were no name tags.  In fact, the weekend away was more than good- it really was great.  We live in Scotland, so any kind of road trip is a sight to behold and the hour and a half trip south of Aberdeen (our city) to Arbroath was a lovely one.  While I remembered every snack available to man and the portable DVD player, I did of course forget the actual DVDs, a mistake my children did not appreciate at all.

Regardless, we made it to the Windmill Christian Centre and immediately enjoyed the view of the coast and the peaceful surroundings I highly recommend this facility by the way).  It is one large building with 3 or 4 stories and perfected suited for such an event.  The retreat director was thoughtful enough to put our family of 4 further away from the activity hub, but we still had 45 Uni students running up and down the stairs right outside our door, as well as across the hall to the bathroom at all hours of the night.  As I mentioned I would, I brought 2 sound machines in case we split the kids somehow.  Our goal was to cover the college kid noises, as well as the soft little coughs and sighs so typical of small children (yet still distracting to adults trying to sleep).  As it turned out, there was an en-suite bathroom (unusual for Scotland), so we put our son in a pack n play in there as he is the youngest (21 months) and the rest of us stayed in the main room.  We set up both white noise generators at opposite ends of the room, and I can testify that they worked!  Even when our daughter woke up in a coughing fit at 4am, that natural white noise (water fall) washed over my son as if he were in paradise- and indeed he was- blissfully unaware of anything other than sweet rest.  We all slept in and had a great time!

I will say how funny it was to explain to a British man what white noise is.  He was sure it was just another “American thing,” but his kid did not sleep until 8, did he?    Similarly, we had another family use our flat while we were away.  They have just arrived from the States and are still jet-lagging with their 2 small children.  The father’s comment was, “Man that noise thing really works!  My son was finally able to get some much-needed rest.”  Need I say more? (except maybe that the retreat god has been assuaged.  What a relief.”

Nothing like answering the same littany of boring questions 20 times.

I’ve never been that into retreats.  I’ll go, but I never look forward to it because it never ends up being very relaxing.  Whether you’re a college student or a career-driven adult, the weekend is something sacred, a time when you should be watching sports and sleeping in.   Instead, you sacrifice a weekend to go to a retreat because it’s going to be “so fun.”  Mm-hmm.  All the fun begins as you stick a name tag on and invite all eyes to stare at your chest (yes, I’m of the female variety).  Then, you get sub-par food at predetermined times, including a senior citizen’s early bird special at 5pm, leaving you starving at 8.  Then, you share quarters with either the friends who managed to talk you into this exciting event, or even better, with strangers you feel the compulsion to chat with to get to know (because that’s what nice people do).  At the end of the weekend, you realize you spent $100 to sleep uncomfortably and eat too many carbs.

I didn’t know it got worse.  Evidently, meeting your husband at a college retreat means that you owe the retreat god big time because somehow, without knowing how, you find yourself looking at a retreat with said husband…and your 2 kids- both under the age 0f 4.  This should go without saying, but a retreat with children isn’t really a retreat at all.  I mean, grandparents take my kids for the weekend or give us an adjoining suite, and I’m all about it.  Truly.  I would actually openly embrace a retreat as what it’s meant to be- time away from what you normally do.  However, packing up 4 of us and loading our car with sleeping bags, duvet covers (what the what?) towels, pack n plays, and car seats is only the beginning.  We are paying to leave the comfort of our 3-bedroom flat and the ease of our own routine to share a room at a retreat- and calling it “a weekend away” in a charming Scottish brogue does not atone for the fact that we are sharing a room.  All 4 of us.  If you read anything I write, you know I do not sleep with my children.  Not even in the hospital- I feed them, I love them, I grin at their sweetness, then I send them right back to the nursery because night time is for sleeping….not for listening to every coo, cry out, and bad dream.  We have 4 white noise generators for a reason- we believe in rest to the point that we invest heavily in the white noise. Praise the Lord our sound machines are portable.  I might set up all 4 in the room just for good measure.  What do you think?

Anyway, pray for us and that the retreat god will be appeased…I cannot endure this again.

My children may look alike, but they don't act the same, and they definitely don't sleep similarly.

Writing a book (I’m sure you’ll need it…ha!)

After you have one reasonable success with your first child, you begin to think that you are a credible expert on all things parenting.  You begin to make mental notes of important chapters you will write in your first best-seller for new parents.  After all, if it worked for you, surely it would work for others.  Then, in all your glory, you you have baby #2.  And this child, though wholly precious and wonderful, is simultaneously a terrible deviation from what you have known.  You start to slowly erase those chapters, and after a while, you completely delete your future failure of a book, coming to the same conclusion that millions of parents have come to before you- you don’t know anything….and you probably never will.

Before I sound too glum, I will add that after #2 grows up a wee bit, you regain some of your former confidence, though this time much more humbly, and therefore much more deserved.  Whereas it seemed that no plan worked for both children, you can look back and see a few threads of commonality that may be deemed useful- whether for #3 or for another poor soul working her way through the agony of sleep deprivation.

My 2

I’ll break it down for you as I experienced (and am experiencing it).  My firstborn is 3 1/2.  She is beautiful (truly ), extroverted, witty, clumsy, all legs and limbs, extraordinarily tall, brilliant, a go-getter, creative, and nonstop- none of which leaves much room for sleep.  My second child is not quite 2, adorable, hilarious, not too wordy, but all about sound effects, also brilliant (come on, all our children are geniuses, right?), fearless, climby, persistent, lovey, and easily worn-out- all of which contributed to his overabundance of sleep, none of which landed during the time of day it should have.  So, I ended up with 2 totally different sleep quotas to figure out.

Our context

I am a grown-up version of my son, minus the funny.  Seriously.  We are sedentary creatures when given a chance, and we love our sleep.  I am also type A (of the hundredth power) and a stay-at-home mom.  We started our family in Iowa and after having our son (#2), we quickly packed up, lived with both sides of the family for a month each, then moved across the pond to Scotland for a PhD.  None of that suited my temperament.  I am a nap-nazi.  I don’t like change, and I sure don’t like jet-lagging myself or my children.  I don’t like being flexible- it’s just not me.  I don’t like change (maybe I said that already).  Add in a few sleep books (Baby Wise and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child were the 2 at odds in my head every waking moment those first 2 years) and what you get is a crazy, emotional mess called me.  You see, if the average child sleeps 12 hours at night and takes 1 3-hour nap, then I expect that out of my kids, too- after all they’re geniuses, right?  They should be better than average.  So, I scoured every page of every sleep book I could get my hands on, and that’s all I thought about.  I day-dreamed of being old and not having to deal with the issues at hand.  I felt like a failure every moment of every day, because if this is what I did for a living (I did quit my job I was good at after all) and I were to be evaluated, surely I would fail- neither child did what either book said they should do.

Putting the books down

So, I did what I imagine women of old did (certainly those that were illiterate)- I put the books down and I surveyed my children.  I realized that they were in fact babies and not machine (as my husband repeatedly reminded me) and that there was no formula (tho I would have paid handsomely for it).  I would recall helpful tips from the books accidentally, and if they helped (such as Weissbluth’s wisdom that you can’t force a child to sleep or Ezzo’s reminder that not all cries are for hunger), I used them- otherwise I discarded them.  I quickly came to the conclusion that my kids were just fine- they were better than that- they were (and are) awesome- they just need different things.

My values

So, I do believe in teaching your children to sleep in their own beds- if for nothing else, to preserve the sanctity of our bed as just for us.  I also enjoy the benefits of my kids going to sleep on their own (not thru feedings, rocking, movement in general).  This is mostly selfish- I enjoy putting them down and knowing they’re fine and will drift off on their own, and I can have babysitters who don’t have to be trained how to administer the perfect sleep move.  I am easily annoyed by excessive noise (such as screaming children), so I am a fan of white noise for all of us.  I crank it in the kids’ rooms in case one is down when the other is not (common), and use it on a lower volume in our room.  That way, if the kids are just chatting in their rooms in the morning, I can still sleep, but if they’re agitated, I don’t miss it- but I do miss the football game roaring in the night or my drunken neighbors rockin’ to Johnny Cash (yes, even in Scotland).  I do allow my kids to “cry it out” if I see it as worthwhile (getting over a temper tantrum or learning to sleep on their own), but I use my knowledge of their temperaments to know when (and how long) to let them cry and when to go in.  Once again, I have a different reason and amount of time for each child because I’m their mama- I know them.

Bottom line

I used to be quite judgmental about it all (remember the book I was going to write?).  I mean, if I was slaving over the perfect sleep schedule, shouldn’t everyone else be miserable doing it with me?   Now I see us as we are- unique, as are our children.  Some need more sleep, others less, and it’s easy to idealize those who need more.  However, I believe every child’s sleep patterns have pros and cons.  The bottom line is that you have to do what is right for your child.  Some will sleep the night on their own, and some may need a little encouragement.  Don’t be ashamed if yours doesn’t do it on his/her own.  Ultimately, you are the parent and you can decide how you want to tackle the issue- you can wait until later.  If you want to pick up your baby and hold her all night, go ahead- she’s yours.  If you’re happy with it, great- really.  I won’t judge you and no one else should either.  You have to do what you can sleep with at night (pun intended).  And maybe the most important thing is to erase the word “should” from your vocabulary.  Your kid will do what he does- deal with it, and you’ll enjoy him even more.  I did.

I have always prided myself on being efficient.  Give me 30 minutes where I’m not taking care of children (or my husband, for that matter), and I can conquer the world.  I love the feeling of accomplishment and that sweet satisfaction it brings me as I fall asleep.  In fact, one of the hardest things about moving to the UK was the lack of efficiency.  I’m not trying to be the stereotypical arrogant American, but I will say that a country that rains more than Seattle, gets less sun than anywhere I’ve been, and is as far north as Moscow does not seem to be the ideal place to not have clothes dryers.  I can handle not having dishwater- I can physically scrub, rinse, and dry them myself in less time than a dishwasher, so that’s NBD to me at all.  However, I can not physically air dry my clothes.  There is nothing I can do to speed up this process.   Granted using the radiators does help, but that also costs us- we joke that we’re here for a PhD, not an MD.

I digress, as usual.  My point is this- part of being efficient is multitasking.  Why not make a phone call while washing dishes (that’s what the shoulder is there for, right?)?  Or, why not prep dinner while the kids munch a snack and are relatively contained?  Or why not watch a girly DVD while on the elliptical?  I guess for me, I kind of got to the point where it was getting more challenging to draw hard and fast boundaries.  I mean, I stay at home so I can rear our kids.  That’s the point of me giving up the job I loved- it wasn’t a hard choice for me- I loved my kids more.  For me, that was the best choice.

So, I find that the god of efficiency (and therefore multitasking) has robbed us of quality time and even thorough results. For example, that phone call while washing dishes was not as thoughtful as it could have been.  The dishes weren’t as clean as they should have been.  That time with the kids sitting, smiling, and enjoying life was missed while I cut some vegetables that could have waited.  I am beginning to agree with this website:

Simply put, multitasking is trying to do too many things at once… Pressure in the modern workplace leads many of us to think that if we can do two things at once, we could save time, take on more and be more satisfied. What actually happens is that more mistakes are made, so we have to do tasks more than once, effectively lowering our achievement levels and creating frustration for those we work with and ourselves.

Now, I’m the first to admit that efficiency and multitasking can be very valuable resources, especially in the workforce.  Obviously, I am at home with my kids, but while one goes to preschool, the other naps, and that is when I work- than and after they go to bed.  I do love time with my husband, too, so getting as much done in as little time possible is essential for us.  However, I am not willing to sign off on lower quality work.  For me, I just need some time and a quiet place to think, free from distractions (don’t put me close to a sink, or I’ll try to get to work there, too).  I’ve found that sometimes I just need to focus on one task at hand and do that one thing well.

Being a mom and working from home isn't always as seamless as I'd like.

I work from home.  This sounded like such a good idea – my husband can do his thing, I can do mine and still take care of our little ones.  It has been a lot more challenging than I anticipated to say the least.

Here is a slice of daily “work” (in no particular order)

-Mama, I need you to check my bottom – 2 minutes to enter bathroom where 3 year old is bottom-up

-mailman knocks on door – 1 minute to explain he has come to _____ Road, not _____ Street, which is why the address is wrong

-mail contains info on getting kids’ swine flu shots – 5 minutes to read, 5 minutes to email husband to get his thoughts on whether we do the dreaded jabs

-daughter wants to play Clifford game before Mommy “works” – 15 minutes

-cell phone buzzes its sad little low-energy buzz – 2 minutes to find it, 1 minute to plug it in

-phone actually rings – 2 minutes to go see who it is and decide to ignore it b/c I’m supposed to be working

-3 year old needs one millionth toy she can’t reach in her “room time” – 1 1/2 minutes to chastise her for yelling down the stairs that connect to 1 year old’s room that has no door and which houses him sleeping (hopefully) and 3 minutes to go upstairs and retrieve said toy

-stare at passers-by through living room window- 1 minute

It all adds up (38 1/2 minutes) – and that was just the first 40 minutes of me sitting down to work.  I’m not kidding.  I’m still thrilled to be a stay-at-home mom, but I can see why few want to hire us.  We’re not very focused.  Who continues to crunch numbers, for example, if her 2 year old is throwing up on the new carpet?  (“Just a sec honey – hold it in, just one more minute while Mommy hits save…”)

Here are a few of the things I do to actually be a mom and accomplish my work:

1.  Work during sleep times/parent during wake times.  I don’t care how tired I’ll be, my kids will only be young once, and I am not going to miss it.

2.  Coordinate their naps – even if it means hard work.  Since I had #2, I have worked from home.  From the day I brought him home, he and my older one have slept at the same time- not for the same amount of time, but they go down at the same time.  Now that my older one has dropped her nap, she has “room time” where she plays by herself in her room.  This gives me work time, her a break, as well as a creative outlet that all the experts say is necessary for a well-balanced child.

3.  Turn off the phones/ringers.  I can call back later.

4.  Check email at beginning of work time to see if there’s anything urgent, then close it out, so I don’t see new ones coming in.

5.  Use white noise.  It helps drone out the neighbors and gives a peaceful hum that keeps me task-oriented.  (Here is a free white noise generator I like that you can try out.)

6.  Set reasonable expectations and goals and communicate those with boss – I can only accomplish so much during my work hours.  It’s important that my employer know my situation and know that my kids come first (so does my husband for that matter).

7.  Honor my work schedule/commitment – if it’s 10 hrs/week, work 10 hrs/week.  I am creative as to how I get it in (such as going to a coffee shop on a Sat morning, which is a welcome break for me from a normal day or working all during the week so that I have the weekend off), but I always honor my commitment, which keeps me employed.

8.  No computers from 5-7pm.  These are the fussy times for the kids and when my husband comes home.  My family gets my time when they need it, no question.  (My husband has the same rule and our marriage has changed as a result – we pay more attention to each other and the children, and we all have thrived.)

Oh my gosh.  I thought I would never get off that plane.  Babies were screaming nonstop- seriously.  And they weren’t even mine (I did bring 2, so that was a relief).  When my littlest one finally quit squirming and pointing at anything illuminated and saying “yight” and actually started to snooze (thereby allowing me much-needed rest), another child would wail…or a man would cough for the 100th time…or the flight attendant would loudly ask if I wanted something to drink…regardless of intent, they all interrupted any semblance of peace.  So, we did finally disembark and head toward our flat in Scotland.

Oh, our flat…while I really do enjoy life in the UK, it is not exactly peaceful.  I have mentioned before that my children are less than quiet.  Lying in bed trying to get over jet-lag, listening to hear if my children were struggling to sleep, I was shocked to hear how many noises assaulted me- car doors slamming, our neighbors having a conversation next door, the  local dogs yapping, the garbage cans being dragged out to the street, etc.  I said I was shocked- that’s because we normally use a white noise machine to drone out the ambient sounds.  However, this time (last  night), we couldn’t risk it since we had to be attentive parents for the sake of our jet-lagged children.

So, this is my ode to white noise.  Thank you for blocking out life so that I can sleep.  We will meet again soon.